Life is a journey of it’s own, but life with God is on a whole notha’ level! From the moment of salvation God begins working on our lives; teaching us, convicting us and transforming us. People may think a life with the Almighty God would be a peaceful and easy one but on the contrary it is quite the opposite. Our fallen human nature wants to live by fleshly desires while our spiritual side desires to live for God… It’s almost like having an angel and a devil on your shoulders constantly fighting for your devotion. And on top of that this world we live in is perpetually slamming it’s selfish, superficial and materialistic ways down our throats every step of the way.
“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” 1John 2:15
But despite all of this spiritual warfare, God is working on us, He is strengthening us and guiding us through it. God is sanctifying us. And that my friends is something to have confidents in. That is where my hope lies.
As I think about this, and think about the person I have become I feel an incredible amount of joy. You see, I used to feel unbearably inadequate. I felt as if I just didn’t measure up to those around me and that I really had nothing to offer this world or the people in it. Along with it came this deep feeling of hopelessness, as if I would never be able to become anything more than I was. And as sad as that is, I have a sense that others have felt this way as well, that it isn’t just me.
I felt like this for years but I just kept going like anyone else would, kept living a “normal” life - loving all the things that destroy our souls. But then God stepped in and He opened the eyes of my heart to see His Kingdom - a world where there is purpose and soul-nourishing fulfillment! And that’s when my life journey really began. That's when things got more difficult then they have ever been but more soul-satisfying than I’ve ever experienced.
Tom has gone through a similar transformation and getting married was one of the deeply fulfilling moments that God guided us to. And now that we are married God has been progressively moulding us into who He wants us to be, as individuals and as husband and wife. As of late God has been pulling us into His family of Christ and redefining our lives as Christians. We have recently joined a small group through our church and boy were we nervous going in the first day - we knew that we would be expected to pray (aloud) with our groups each meeting. If you know Tom and I, then you know we are the opposite of outgoing especially when it comes to group settings where we don’t exactly know anyone!
Our first meeting came and the dry throats and sweaty palms came with it! At the end of our discussion time we break up into 2 groups (men and women) and this is where we express praises from the week, prayer requests and then we pray aloud. The first meeting they told us we didn't have to pray if we didn’t feel comfortable yet, but God was telling me to just do it, start getting used to it right away! So I prayed - it wasn’t long and I stumbled on my words, said um too many times and I think I repeated the same prayer twice… But I did it! Phew! God got me through it and when we finished our meeting and went to the car I asked Tom if he had gotten the courage to pray and with a victory smile and a high-five he said he did! Woohoo! God is faithful!
It’s an incredible thing to watch your husband grow spiritually. In the first months of our marriage… Actually almost the first year or more we were spiritually complacent I would say. We prayed together occasionally and read the bible intermittently. Our marriage was good, we were happy, and in some aspects we were growing closer but we were missing that deeper connection. I remember feeling this fear and hopelessness that I would never truly be the wife Tom needed me to be, or as bad as this may sound I had fear that Tom might never be the spiritual leader I needed him to be. I feared we would want different things later in life and that Tom didn’t have a desire for God like I did. I had so many thoughts about the difference in opinions we might have on where to live, or how to live or how to one day raise our children. I had feelings of inadequacy and I was scared Tom would notice how I’m not actually as cool as he thinks I am… And these thoughts still sometimes pop into my head but now I know that my hope is not in Tom or in myself but it’s in God.
A year ago I would have never imagined that we would be joining a small group or planning to serve in the church. I would never have imagined that we would spend time in Gods Word together and then time praying for each other and for guidance in our crazy life, but here we are - doing exactly that and feeling more hope in God than ever before and feeling more in love and in awe of one another than we thought possible.
The more we chase after God the closer we become. God designed us to be this way and it’s an amazing experience. Growing together spiritually makes you fall in love with each other all over again. We learn new things about each other, we get to actively participate in one another's divine advancement and to top it all off we have hope for ourselves and each other that God will grow us into who He designed us to be. God is still working on us, He isn’t finished yet. That is where our greatest hope comes from.
All by God’s Grace!